February 12, 2020 — Dr Coleen Jones
Writing this book is a labour of love and has come together in order to bring a simple understanding to readers about the fundamentals of living more creatively and fully in this world despite the challenges that face each and every one of us. Therapy is one way of coming to know oneself and begin to live in a way which allows one's individuality to emerge and flow. We all know times when we have been in “flow”; when we surmount our surroundings, blend in with what is around us and allow things to happen in such a way that we emerge and become one with who and what is in our immediate environment … unself-conscious, simply engaged in the pleasure of an activity … in flow … simple Joy!
We seem to need to lose ourselves in order to begin finding ourselves, this takes time and interfaces with a longing to get things “fixed” quickly. The words “things” and “fixed” indicate a mechanistic mindset, which reifies (rei = things, Latin) our emotions and experiences, as if we are a machine to be repaired in order to function better. We know what it is like to get bogged down, when things simply don't go “with the flow”, when our plans get blocked in a way that is frustrating, when we feel generally out of sorts and unable to optimise and grasp opportunities.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
— Marianne Williamson, quoted by Nelson Mandela at his inauguration, 1994
“Chaos theory grounds us in the inevitable turmoil, discontinuities and limited predictability of ordinary life. Complexity theory reveals how development, new order and creative change self-organise; spontaneously emerging at the edge of chaos … these sciences model the deep and mysterious interpenetration between self, the world and others.”
— Terry Marks-Tarlow
Hesiod, an ancient Greek, wrote Theogony, his story about creation and the panoply of ancient Greek gods, which starts with the words “In the beginning there was chaos”. When we are beset by chaos in our lives it feels insurmountable and overwhelming, as if we can’t survive the forces and gales battering and storming our lives. It seems hard to believe at the time that anything might emerge out of the chaos. “Is it possible that something could emerge from the confusion and entanglements?” we might ask ourselves.
Our usual day-to-day thinking is characterised by a process of linear logic, which runs in straight lines, one step following on the next, rather than by a process which is non-linear, discontinuous and circular at times. Often what emerges from the chaos is beyond comprehension, not what we would have imagined and sometimes better than what we had hoped for if we had applied linear logic.
By way of an analogy, Terry Marks-Tarlow describes how a horse changes its gait from a trot to a canter and says that in between the two rhythms the horse’s hooves are chaotic, they are all over the place and seemingly erratic, there is no specific position for each hoof yet they find their way into a new rhythm, position and pace. The horse then settles into the new gait and proceeds on its way.
If we relax and trust the process, when faced with turmoil and uncertainty in our lives, and stay the distance, despite the discomfort and discombobulating effects, we are able to discover new ways of being and find productive insights and values which emerge out of the mists of chaos.
Michael came to therapy in order to “find himself”. He was a mature student who studied psychology and discovered mindfulness as a way to understand his traumatic childhood and the patterns it had created in his adult life. Through therapy he was able to explore these patterns, develop self-awareness, and begin to make changes that allowed him to live more fully and authentically.
“How simple and frugal a thing is happiness: a glass of wine, a roast chestnut, a wretched little brazier, the sound of the sea … All that is required to feel that here and now is a simple, frugal heart.”
— Nikos Kazantzakis